clay hearts, names of Kali (1-6 of 108!)

clay hearts, names of Kali (1-6 of 108!)

2.

Dropping acid was unwise, and even worse once we left the house.   Everything grew ugly, empty, soul-sucked.  Self-compressing at the broken-glass edge of a parking lot. Somehow love found me.  Late afternoon Monopoly, laughing.  Much less left to fear.

1.

Somehow we agreed he would shave my head. Arriving in Lhasa the next day, people called Ani, Ani, thinking me a nun. Twenty-third birthday; altitude; anvil-light; empty sky. I threw up. My head exploded. I had never been so happy.

Marissa’s getting a re-trial!  Woo-hoo!

we did it!  free/not-free ritual for Marissa Alexander’s birthday, 9.14.13.  it was amazing to do the ritual we’d designed out on the Green in Hanover NH, and to hear people’s responses to the question, “What makes you free?”

  • love
  • being here
  • choice 
  • not being forced into a marriage I don’t want
  • not being forced into having children I don’t want
  • career
  • the right to be right here
  • wherever I am, my heart is there

& also to the question, “What makes you not-free?”

  • wanting to be liked
  • believing limited ideas of self & other
  • fear
  • poverty
  • having to listen to my parents
  • lack of trust

Anyway, may Marissa be freed from prison.  May she & all beings be free of suffering.  May we all always incline towards freedom for ourselves, as for others.

love,

Julie

What Makes You Free? What Makes You Not-Free?

image

for Marissa Alexander, on her birthday, September 14th, 2013

Working with a partner, take a moment to reflect on the nature of freedom & lack of freedom.

Ask your partner, “What makes you free?”

Ask your partner, “What makes you not-free?”

Show your partner his or her reflection in a mirror.

Show your partner a reflection of the boundless sky in the same mirror.

Same mirror, same truth.

Now, tie a string around your partner’s wrist as a reminder that all human beings are all capable of choosing to incline towards freedom, or away from it, for themselves, and for others; and also as a reminder that millions of people are living in this country behind bars - more (by percentage of the population) than in any other country on earth.

Photograph your partner’s hand with the string. Pause quietly for a moment, ask your partner for a short response to what you have just done, and write it down.

Once the string is tied, the photograph is taken, and the response is written down, switch roles until all present have been through both sides of the ritual.

Then, mail your photographs & responses to Marissa Alexander, as a birthday present. If you also email them to 108namesofnow [at] gmail.com, I will gladly post them here.

To send your photos/responses/letters to Marissa Alexander in prison:

Marissa Alexander
‪#‎J46944
Lowell Correctional Institution 
11120 NW Gainesville Rd 
Ocala, Florida 34482-1479

For more information about Marissa Alexander, try these links:

  • Huffington Post article about her sentencing
  • blogspot page
  • Support for Marissa Alexander FB group
  • (do these seem unsatisfactory to you, on the whole? me too. in fact, this is part of why I let my once-beloved New Yorker subscription expire: disappointment at a publication that devotes so much ink to rich old-farty men making money & rich young-farty men playing lacrosse & so little ink to Marissa Alexander. if you know any journalists, or are one yourself, this is a story that needs careful, in-depth & ongoing telling. tell it! please.)

May all beings be free of suffering.
May all beings know happiness and the roots of happiness.
May all beings live at ease in the well being of their own true nature.

http://108namesofnow.com/free.html

108 Names of Un-Beauty

  1. prison walls
  2. prison doors
  3. barred windows
  4. a man kicks his horse because he can
  5. a woman hits her child because she can
  6. a child rips the wings off a butterfly because he can
  7. hiding in the television all day
  8. blinds drawn at noon
  9. dark grey staircase smelling of rubber treads
  10. throwing away bones in the trash
  11. declawed cats
  12. dogs with neuticles
  13. lean cuisine
  14. veal calves in plastic cages
  15. scented toilet paper
  16. douche
  17. obsessive New Age enemas
  18. botox
  19. Brazilian waxes
  20. nair for short shorts
  21. dance songs with only one beat
  22. Ferragamo shoes with stupid metal-clad bows
  23. Vuitton bag with stupid logos everywhere
  24. Mercedes death-wagon
  25. Tommy Hilfiger everything, except that one skirt I have
  26. frat house airs of respectability
  27. frat house casual whore-shooting gallery
  28. frat house basement vomitorium, with special drains
  29. special silences around what happens in the basement
  30. mass graves under soccer fields
  31. a church that worries the poor might dirty up the new hall
  32. stopping to pick up those hikers might be dangerous
  33. stopping to offer that woman some food might be dangerous
  34. going to sleep now might be dangerous
  35. faces numbed out of their lines
  36. orange tans
  37. selling out the body’s truth
  38. pretending something is more important
  39. pretending someone is more important
  40. pretending there is a better place after death
  41. pretending what I believe justifies my cruelty
  42. pretending you matter less than my goals
  43. pretending you matter more than my goals
  44. giving with contempt
  45. receiving with contempt
  46. ill-formed drawings that don’t listen
  47. beautifully-formed drawings that don’t listen
  48. anonymous note left on the windshield
  49. anonymous note left on the door to the house
  50. clinging to anything as a formula for beauty
  51. clinging to anything as a formula for truth
  52. I am my body
  53. I am my mind
  54. I am the way, the truth and the light
  55. I am a contemptible wretch
  56. fake-stone siding, though this can be quite beautiful
  57. faux-leather, though this can be quite beautiful
  58. fake-blue contact lenses, though it is conceivable these might be quite beautiful
  59. saddle-sores
  60. bed-sores
  61. flattened occipita of neglected babies
  62. infected track-marks
  63. overgrown median with cheetos wrappers and old condoms
  64. furniture that could easily be fixed, but isn’t
  65. buying sex from slaves
  66. buying beautiful clothes made by slaves
  67. pretending not to know where meat comes from
  68. Christmas orgy of slave-made goods
  69. men sit and watch football while women do the dishes
  70. women casually sacrifice themselves to old ideas
  71. men casually sacrifice themselves to old ideas
  72. men and women casually sacrifice their children to old ideas
  73. governments casually sacrifice everyone but the rich to old ideas
  74. foie gras
  75. eating the ortolan whole, with a napkin over your eyes
  76. a bear-bile pill for the businessman’s hangover
  77. medical science vivisects animals
  78. the beauty industry vivisects animals
  79. the food industry vivisects animals
  80. longevity, at any cost
  81. clutter of useless, permanent things
  82. clutter of old ideas
  83. children dig for food in a mound of burning trash in Brazil
  84. my old cell phone is in a mound of burning trash in Ghana, and I feel better
  85. unwanted births
  86. uncared-for abortions
  87. unacknowledged paternity
  88. irresponsible paternity
  89. forcing sex on anyone
  90. blaming the one who has been raped
  91. refusing responsibility
  92. turning over authority
  93. how each new war seems like a festival
  94. how, later, we forget we ever felt this way
  95. how, even as we withdraw our attention, we hope our new leaders will take care of things
  96. mole hairs, though these are a sign of health
  97. lesions, pox & zits
  98. puncture wounds
  99. burns
  100. blunt trauma
  101. brain tumor that erodes the mind’s ability to be with what is
  102. mental illness that erodes the mind’s ability to be with what is
  103. severe pain that erodes the mind’s ability to be with what is
  104. solitary confinement
  105. forgetting to let go
  106. blaming & contracting
  107. clinging to ego as any form of salvation
  108. I am threatened, starved, and isolated

108 Names of Beauty

  1. lithe-leaping beauty – a young man jumps off the walls, more or less for joy & because he can
  2. patterned & repetitive beauty – William Morris paper
  3. sleek-haired beauty – a long black braid down the back
  4. sustained beauty – the old ballerina hovers to meet the floor before her, legs spread wide
  5. steady-growing beauty – the huge old beech tree, roots at least as deep as branches are wide
  6. animal  beauty– a dog’s perfectly-applied eyeliner
  7. elaborate beauty – a wedding dress of lace, with a satin belt in a bow
  8. beauty of negative spaces locking into positive spaces – Hokusai
  9. beauty of ugliness – the taste of durian fruit
  10. beauty of famous art – participating in loving a painting with many others in the same room, looking
  11. actors’ beauty onscreen – feeling it is impossible not to wonder at the fact that Penelope Cruz even exists
  12. actors’ beauty offscreen – and how it is always somehow different
  13. beauty of old people who have not given up
  14. beauty of children when they don’t think about it
  15. beauty of domesticated flowers – how they grow from seed, right there in your garden, even though you know so little
  16. beauty of wild flowers – how they grow profligately & even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed as one of these
  17. beauty of cold, powerful German cars & glass buildings
  18. beauty of well-crafted Damascene steel swords
  19. mountainous beauty – there is nothing useful that can be said about seeing the Himalayas from the plastic window of an airplane
  20. beauty of the sky at dusk
  21. beauty of the sky at high altitude
  22. Himalayan blue poppies
  23. indigo
  24. cerulean
  25. Prussian blue
  26. blue glass bottles, whole or broken by the sea
  27. delphiniums
  28. freaky blue eyes of Irish spotted ponies
  29. forget-me-nots
  30. Tibetan clouds, printed on Nepalese sky-blue lokta paper
  31. the Virgin Mary’s deep blue cloak, with a red shift beneath it
  32. eggplant-purple
  33. cowrie-shell-purple
  34. caput mortuum
  35. iris-purple
  36. ladies who wear purple every day, including their shoes & nails & amethyst crystals
  37. purple soil of Utah
  38. vermilion ink for Chinese stamps
  39. deepest red of roses
  40. alizarin crimson
  41. quinacridone magenta
  42. cochineal-carmine-red, made of millions of insects
  43. ripe cherry red
  44. blood red
  45. raspberry-dusky red
  46. pink of John McCracken’s The Absolutely Naked Fragrance
  47. beet-red risotto
  48. pink edges of white roses
  49. scallop-roe orange
  50. mussel-flesh orange
  51. gravlax orange
  52. melon orange
  53. turmeric-dye yellow-orange
  54. egg yolk
  55. amber
  56. cadmium yellow
  57. naples yellow
  58. yellow gold torus made by Vikings
  59. joss paper
  60. bumblebee covered in pollen
  61. yellow-green lichen in Yosemite
  62. hellebore
  63. jade disc
  64. hornworm
  65. Old Holland green-gold paint in a lead tube
  66. interference green on a dark background
  67. green eyes in dark-skinned faces
  68. fern-green in the early spring
  69. viridian
  70. Veronese green
  71. translucent kelp green on a beach where the winter sun is setting
  72. spinach
  73. celadon
  74. emerald
  75. snow
  76. milk
  77. alabaster windows
  78. clear white teeth of young animals
  79. new paper
  80. old paper
  81. skin (pink-and-white)
  82. skin (blue-black & as dark as skin can be)
  83. skin (brown with sun & hot places)
  84. skin (very old and fragile, where you can see through it into the body)
  85. skin (hairy at the belly and chest)
  86. skin (smooth at the belly and chest)
  87. obsidian
  88. burnished clay black
  89. black sheep
  90. brown sheep with black-and-white noses and long tails
  91. bells ringing noon
  92. deep bass of the dance club resonating in the body
  93. bad ideas set to beautiful song
  94. beauty of empty rooms
  95. beauty of hidden spaces
  96. beauty of shared food
  97. beauty of merciful eyes
  98. beauty of Zen people in dark robes
  99. beauty of wedding guests in pink dresses
  100. beauty of wedding guests in fine houndstooth jackets
  101. beauty of agreeing to live your life
  102. beauty of letting go
  103. beauty of winter afternoon walking meditation, sucking in pellucid green light
  104. beauty of everything in wave-form
  105. beauty of everything just as it is
  106. beauty of realizing this pain is a bridge
  107. beauty of not-knowing
  108. beauty of each day’s new litany

 

hi Everyone,

hope this finds you well.  I’m writing to invite you to do a little DIY work to help make our Inner Beauty Service Station a beautiful & meaningful place to spend time.  you know that old shirt your boyfriend gave you 1,000,000 years ago that now has holes, but there’s no way you’re just ripping it up into rags?  or the sheets that felt so good you loved holes right into them?  well - these are the things we’re hoping you’ll be willing to sew into parts for our super-awesome, Tibetan-inspired Beauty Banners.  the directions are pretty easy, the results will be fantastic, and we will love you forever (well - actually, we already do…)  please spread the word!  thank you.

here’s the link to directions.

MAY YOU & WE & ALL BEINGS BE WELL!

LOVE,

Julie

Right Mindfulness

 

Here is how the Buddha describes Right Mindfulness in the Magga Vibhanga Sutta:

 

"And what, students, is right mindfulness? (i) There is the case where a student remains focused on the body in & of itself — ardent, aware, & mindful — putting away greed & distress with reference to the world. (ii) She remains focused on feelings in & of themselves — ardent, aware, & mindful — putting away greed & distress with reference to the world. (iii) She remains focused on the mind in & of itself — ardent, aware, & mindful — putting away greed & distress with reference to the world. (iv) She remains focused on mental qualities in & of themselves — ardent, aware, & mindful — putting away greed & distress with reference to the world. This, students, is called right mindfulness.

 

This short paragraph is like the Hartsfield International Airport of Dhamma: from the hub of mindfulness, countless practices for awakening take off in all directions.  The Buddha’s teachings on mindfulness can seem almost staggering in their detail and abundance.  True confession: I found the experience of reading the chapter on Right Mindfulness in Bhikkhu Bodhi’s book so exhausting that I had to lay down on the grass in the sunlight at the foot of my chair, and recuperate for thirty minutes.  So much to do and to keep track of…  If any of you had a similar experience of Mindfulness-Based Stress Induction, do not fear!  I will begin this talk by going over a few important overall guidelines to keep in mind as you approach your own practice of mindfulness. 

 

First, the Buddha did not teach that we have to master all of the techniques and facets of mindfulness practice.  In fact, he often told his students that sincere and thoroughgoing practice of any one approach was all anyone needed in order to awaken.  (He particularly recommended mindfulness of body.)  Each practice can lead onward into full understanding.  Many different practices are offered because people’s kamma & interests & awarenesses are all so different.  The Buddha saw that offering multiple versions of mindfulness cultivation meant opening many different doors to the Deathless.  Each teaching is a different hand offered up out of confusion, and the teachings vary to suit many different possible forms of confusion and awakening.  In the Mahayana and Tibetan traditions, there are frequent depictions of compassionate deities with a multiple arms, each hand holding a different kind of tool.  The Buddha’s teachings on mindfulness are like this: for some people, the hand proffering mindfulness of breathing will be the one they clasp as they work through their confusion.  For others, the helping hand will be direct contemplation of the nature of desire, or contemplation of impermanence.  Most of us will come to clasp a series of hands as our practice progresses.  If you think of mindfulness practice as a contradance where all the partners are the Buddha, things feel significantly less intimidating.  Trust yourself to sense which partner’s hand fits best in yours, and you will do just fine.  Don’t worry about what’s going on elsewhere in the room, and you will dance better with each successive partner.

 

A second overall guideline to keep in mind is that the Buddha teaches each of the four foundations of mindfulness on its own terms.  In the translation I read above, Thanissaro Bhikkhu translates this part of the text as “in & of itself.”  The original Pali text says “kāye kāyānupassī,” “vedanāsu vedanānupassī,” “citte cittānupassī,” and “dhammesu dhammānupassī” for each of the four foundations of mindfulness: the body on its own terms; feeling on its own terms; mind on its own terms; and mind-objects on their own terms.  The point is that mindfulness practice instructs us to become aware of each of the four foundations of mindfulness on terms that are intimately appropriate to them.  We learn to speak the native language of each of the realms of body, feeling, mind, and mind-objects, and thus to develop wise, appropriate attention.  So, for example, we consider body on its own terms, understanding physical experience in non-verbal, somatic ways, rather than thinking about the body.  Actually, in this culture, our preference would be to think about pretty much everything, and leave it at that, unless feelings get too intense, and then we usually attend to those by more thinking & maybe add in some rationalizing.  Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food is an interesting contemplation on what happens when we move what should be a body-based, or at least body-emphasizing activity – eating – into the realms of mind and craving.  We forget the wisdom of eating traditional diets and try to think our way out of our craving-based problems – such as obesity & diabetes – by inventing more and more artificial ways of feeding ourselves – using synthetic substances that trick the body by tasting like foods whose nutritious content they lack.  Clinging to financial interests adds to craving for pleasant taste sensations, driving the whole processed-food industry to fever pitch.  Not-seeing the body on its own terms; not-seeing clinging on its own terms: these (and not “bad fats”) are the true roots of the problems we are currently experiencing around food and diet in the United States.

 

As another overall guideline we can notice that the Buddha’s teaching emphasizes “putting away greed & distress with reference to the world” as a precondition for all mindfulness practice.  I love this expression because it clears the decks so quickly.  We can think that we are being good people by occupying our minds with worry, spiritual longing, self-judgment, and righteous indignation, when in fact we are keeping ourselves from the direct, bare awareness we need in order to be mindful in the present moment.  I would like to invite each of us to foster and respect an Inner Mop Person to chase away the preoccupations that keep us distracted from meditation & the full experience of our lives in each moment.  A few years ago, I went to see HH the Dalai Lama teach in Dharamsala.  Very kindly, the Tibetan community had offered tea and biscuits to all 5000 people listening to the teachings.  As a result, there was a bit of a mess in the temple aisles, where the tea-pourers had run by carrying their heavy kettles.  Along came an old man with a giant mop.  Whack!  Swoosh!  Swack!  Sandals & flip-flops & tea-puddles & devout nuns doing prostrations: all gone, swept away.  This old man clearing the decks was totally stealing the show, and he knew it.  Swack!  Nothing left but clear, clean space.  We need to be able to attend to our practice, and in order to do that, we need to be able to let go of greed and distress regarding the world.  So just do it.  When things feel impossible, call on your Inner Mop Person to make some room for practice.  It’s not Spiritual Bypassing (which seems to be the current Worst Thing in the Buddhist World) to clear a space for practicing sanity.  You deserve it.  Your practice depends on it.  Swack!

 

Finally, we can notice the Buddha’s repeated description of the student of Right Mindfulness as “ardent, aware, and mindful.”  That’s us!  “Ardent” is Thanissaro Bhikkhu’s translation of the Pali word chanda – a strong word, connoting excitement, determination, desire, and will.  You can have unskillful chanda – in the form of obsessive lust for sense objects, and you can also have skillful chanda – in the form of passionate interest & devotion towards the practice of awakening.  The point is that you don’t progress in mindfulness practice by feeling sort of “meh” about the whole thing, or doing it because you feel you ought to, while secretly believing that your true passions lie outside the practice, in some other, safely compartmentalized area of your life.  

 

Believing that there’s any part of your life that is somehow outside the reach of mindfulness is a delusion whose extreme manifestations include the “family values” politician trolling for sex in airport bathrooms.  At the other end of the spectrum is Kurukullā, the Red Tara, a Tibetan deity who represents the work of transforming ardent desire for sense objects into ardent desire for awakening.  She’s bright red, with fierce, wide-open eyes, and hair standing straight up off her head.  She pulls a flowered bow, representing the tension of desire, while dancing on a prostate human form, who represents our limited views of ourselves & our capacities for awakening.  Allowing ourselves to be completely awake & on fire can be a scary leap to take.  Because Buddhist meditation culture can seem to value being quiet & peaceful & considerate above all else, we can become stuck on a sort of bland nicey-nice level of practice that never really kindles our chanda into action.  We need to be willing to engage fully with the practice, to work with lust and anger and revulsion and see how they can be transformed into passionate fuel for mindfulness practice.  Are you willing to risk being disapproved-of (if only by yourself) in order to cultivate a practice that really engages you?  Are you willing to be ardently honest about your predicament?  You need to be. 

 

 

Body in & of Itself

The first foundation of mindfulness is to abide focused on the body in & of itself, or the body on its own terms.  This means entering a felt (rather than conceptualized) experience of body, as we do during walking meditation, body scan meditation, and meditation on the breath.  Entering a felt sense of body means leaving behind “I, me & mine” and becoming attuned to physical sensation.  We close our eyes and search for the felt boundary between the body and the space surrounding it and feel: unbounded space.  We cease interpreting body sensation (“my toe hurts”) and focus instead on knowing what physical sensation is actually like (“throbbing, heat, subsiding”).  We let go of thinking about the body as some thing in constant need of restraining, fixing, ignoring, or sprucing up; and we grow to feel the body as a constant flow of experiences, one after another.  We come to know the body as a very finely sensitive source of information about the way things are, tracking response to each new moment and situation as it arises.  We learn to be aware of bodily postures and processes occurring on their own terms, without the need of any Me to order the body, control it, or cling to it in any way.  We learn to relate to our body in a way that is essentially friendly, free of revulsion or attachment.

 

All of this should be more or less straightforward, but biases within Western culture and Theravadan Buddhist culture interfere in various ways with our ability or even willingness to be mindful of the body on its own terms. 

 

Western religions and intellectual traditions have consistently undervalued body in comparison with spirit, insisting that the two can somehow be separated and ranked.  If we believe that what is “spiritual” is somehow superior, disembodied, male, in the sky, and mental, we can implicitly also feel that paying attention to the bodily realm is either a waste of time, or a dangerous flirtation with base elements.  We need to let go of this made-up hierarchy in order to experience body, heart, mind, and spirit as different facets of the same continuum of awareness.  The Buddha doesn’t teach mindfulness of the body as a beginner’s practice leading up to the good stuff – it is the good stuff. 

 

Distorting objectification of the body can be another obstacle to experiencing body on its own terms.  It can be difficult to enter mindfulness of the body if our minds are saturated with pre-existing obsessions about hairiness, baldness, skinniness, fatness, youthfulness, oldness, wrinkliness, pearly-whiteness, hotness, and all the rest.  Accepting the body as it is means dropping all those conceptions and simply becoming aware of the body as it is.

 

In the Theravadan tradition – as in all Buddhist traditions – approaches to the body are colored by the biases of the celibate male monastics who have been in charge of teaching, recording, and transmitting the Buddha’s teaching for thousands of years.  While cultivating a sense of gratitude for monastic teaching and preservation of the Dhamma, we also need to be aware of monastic biases and their repercussions.  While the Buddha himself may have seen clearly that his students could practice and realize the Dhamma while leading many different kinds of lives – lay and monastic, male and female – his monks have tended to privilege their own practice as the highest, purest, and best, through ignorance of the alternatives, contempt for women and laypeople, fear of sexuality, and need to justify the perceived hardships of monastic life.

 

With awareness of the differences between celibate monastic practice and our own practice as laypeople, we can bring healthy skepticism to the assertion that “the Buddha teaches that the sexual drive is a manifestation of craving, thus a cause of dukkha that has to be reduced and extricated as a precondition for bringing dukkha to an end.”  We can remind ourselves of  the Buddha’s declaration (in the Greater Discourse to Vacchagotta) that his lay followers enjoying sensual pleasures are accomplished in the Dhamma.  We can consider that sexual appetite is as much a part of the nature of the body as appetite for food, drink, and oxygen. Approaching sexual energy as something to be “extricated” strikes me as perverse from the point of view of lay practitioners living in committed relationships.  Our precepts ask us to refrain from sexual misconduct, but not from sex, just as they ask us to refrain from lying and verbal abuse, but not from speech.  So, mindfully, we may choose to open to sexual experience as a way of abiding in the body on its own terms, and pay attention to what we find there.  Who says wholesome rapture must be confined to the meditation cushion?   Celibate monastics certainly do, but we laypeople may happily set about disagreeing with this assumption.

 

 

Feelings in & of Themselves

 The second foundation of mindfulness invites us to practice with feeling in & of itself, or feeling on its own terms.  Here we are dealing with investigation of pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral sense impressions, in each of the six sense spheres of eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, and mind.  Again – we are not thinking about pleasant, unpleasant and neutral – we are attempting to become intimately aware of what each of these experiences is like.

 

Last weekend, I traveled to the coast of Maine with my friend Heidi and her beloved pug, Rune.  We were sharing a hotel room, and the situation was generally quite pleasant until bedtime, when Rune started snoring through his poor little squished-in nose.  I have a history of being very clear that snoring falls into the unpleasant-sounds category, and of taking evasive action to avoid having to listen to snorers while I sleep.  But there was no way to avoid this little dog’s snoring – no canine sleep apnea machine, no semi-polite request to roll over, no other room to flee to; and furthermore, I knew Rune was suffering from bronchitis.  So I placed my attention on the pleasant feelings of my hands resting on my heart and belly, and my body resting on the mattress.  I let go of clinging to the idea that I needed to fall asleep, and noticed that while I could still hear the sounds, they didn’t seem so unpleasant anymore.  I wasn’t really asleep (some kind of involuntary wakefulness response makes it hard for me to fall asleep in a room where there is snoring), but I was relaxed and peaceful.  When thoughts arose, I turned them towards sending metta to Rune, Heidi, and myself.  In the morning, I felt rested – far less tired than I would have been after a sleepless night of plotting pugicide. 

 

We have all had similar experiences of dwelling with unpleasant, pleasant, and neutral feelings in and of themselves.  The first step seems always to be honest with ourselves about what we feel.  If we find ourselves in the middle of a root canal, enjoying the feeling of the dentist’s hands on our face, we note that.  If we find ourselves in the middle of a special celebratory dinner, distinctly not liking the taste of the food, we note that.  Seeing how unpredictable our feelings are, we let go of trying to engineer pleasant feelings and avoid unpleasant ones.  We have faith that we can work skillfully with our feelings in whatever situations arise.

 

 

Mind & Heart in & of Itself

 The third foundation of mindfulness invites us to become aware of mind & heart in & of itself, or mind & heart on its own terms.  The difficult-to-translate word in question is citta, and it really does mean both mind and heart, where the two are understood to be inseparable.  So again, here we are not thinking about the mood & inclination of the mind & heart – we are developing our awareness of what this is like.  We notice a tight, constricted frame of mind for what it is, and so for an exalted state, a bored state, or a restless state.  We do not demand that our mind & hearts be always graceful & generous, and we do not beat ourselves up when our hearts feel irritated or resistant. We see how a relaxed heart can receive unpleasant sense data with ease, while a crotchety heart refuses to warm to even the most pleasant of stimuli.  Developing a basic friendliness toward mind & heart, we tune in to its fluctuations, opening the possibility of responding skillfully to them. 

 

 

Mind & Heart Objects in & of Themselves

 For those of us who have been waiting for the chance to think & train the discursive mind, here it is!  The native language of mind & heart objects is thought.  Our well-trained brains leap into action, reflecting on the Dhamma – the hindrances, the Noble Truths, the Eightfold Path, the enlightenment factors – all the beautiful conceptual framework of the Buddha’s teaching is included in this foundation of mindfulness.  We notice what this realm is like, and what it is like to reflect wisely on mind & heart objects.  We feel the Buddha’s teaching unfolding in us in an impersonal way, just as we can feel bodily processes unfolding in an impersonal way.  It’s not a case of My Tranquility, but rather of tranquility arising as a natural result of skillful causes & conditions.  Seeing that awakening arises as a natural consequence of practice, we continue our efforts on the path.  We see the Dhamma unfold in our lives in ways we can neither predict nor control, and we give thanks.

 

May all beings in all realms be well.

May we continue to grow in the Buddha’s way,

for our good & for the good of all beings.

 

 

Julie Püttgen

Lebanon, NH

June 2013